This is not the way decent men talk in locker rooms. It never was.
I want to assure everyone who wasn’t there in the ’50’s.
There were, and still are, men who talk that way when around other men. Even in the most masculine settings, they are thought of as freaks. Not just in today’s culture. In the ’50’s and ’60’s of my youth, even at the Y in a small mid-western town. This was never okay.
This kind of language – more, this opera buffo definition of masculinity, the mindset that puts those words together, and, apparently, into action – this was never a man who would have been admired. I think of the ideals of manhood of those post-War years. John Wayne didn’t talk that way. Gary Cooper never said such things.
We knew who did. Jerks. Creeps. We always, even with our Davey Crockett coon-skin caps on, knew who they were, saw who they were, and avoided them.
But nobody – nobody I ever encountered, no matter how adolescent their view of women – thought of ‘grabbing’ that mentioned part. I don’t recall any of these creeps bragging about rape. I have spent many happy hours with that lady-part – well, no-one wants to hear that from an old fag like me. But never, in any of those happy hours, never did I ‘grab’ anything, or want to. Grabbing was the fartherest thing from my mind.
That’s what gets me about the revelation. Why ‘grab’? I know there is an answer; as mentioned in other texts herein, Donny probably had a fake personality, a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. That means his ego structures did not reach an important point in its healthy development, which should have happened at around 18 months. His brain kept maturing, but his ego did not; he’s still in his Terrible Two’s.
That’s why he thinks of grabbing. That’s why his treatment of women is so manipulative; his own ideas of sex are infantile. What would a two-year-old boy do when aroused? Grab.
That’s also why one of the few honest statements he’s made is that these women and the things they’re saying disgust him. They truly do – but then so does sex. We’re dealing here (once again) with an aspect of the division between our animal and our human parts, and how the Mind is a distributed function of the entire body; Mind is a function of Brain, and so involves not just the gray mess in our heads but ganglia throughout the body. We make adaptations of our ‘ego structures’ to organize these many messages into an idea of Self.
Or we don’t.
Most of us make it fine through this adaptation our brains make at 18 months, so all these disparate, often confusing impulses coming from stomach, groin and everywhere, both the body and the brain, are collected into an entity we can recognize as ‘me’. Without this, there’s no integration; his ‘groin’ impulses result in his doing things without real awareness, as if it’s someone else.
This is, in part, why Sex is such a powerful force. It requires a settled Mind happy in its Brain to reach the furthest joy in sex, where two people create a thing of beauty outside of themselves but which they are able to accept as themselves.
We know the happiness of such things in our lives. Donny doesn’t. I know this is hard to imagine, but it’s true: A personality-disordered sufferer doesn’t see a ‘self’ the way you do, and so all impulses confuse him, and seem outside of himself. If he grabs someone and they complain, he can’t imagine why they would be angry at him, because as far as he knows, the urge to grab that he feels is a part not of his person but of theirs. These accusations really do disgust him, just as they would a real two-year-old.
He can’t accept responsibility. His ego isn’t right. When he sees something he wants, he just grabs it. But once he’s got it, he only knows how to do with it what a small boy would. Clearly, the parts all work – nobody could mistake the genetic inheritance Uday and Qusay show as they stand behind endangered species they have bravely killed. But I’m willing to bet he’s what in my youth I learned to call, with a sneer, a dead f***; a man that just wants his partner to lie still and is angered by any sign of enjoyment she might show. As far as Donny can tell, this ugly thing he’s doing is an aspect not of his desires but a giving in to a force outside of himself, which, as far as he can tell, is contained in the person he’s grabbing, part not of him but of them – they made him do it, so it’s a betrayal when they complain. He’s grossed out by what’s going on even as he is creating those situations.
Yet it’s more than that. His body, and thus his urges, would keep growing from infancy – but since his ego has been frozen at two years old, what to do with these urges always filters through a small child. Grab, get, label, keep, mine, mine, mine – he’s been unchanged in his infantile view of himself and the world for 68 years. Yet his disgust and anger at anyone speaking up on these attacks is genuine. As far as he’s able to tell, none of these horrid accusations have anything to do with him.
Thing is, if he wins the White House, he’ll feel the same way if someone ‘forces’ him to push the Big Button. It won’t be him doing it. It won’t be his fault.
So why would he hold back? What would stay his hand? It’s not, as far as he would be able to tell, his choice; his own emotions feel foreign to him, and he attaches them to the people around him. She made him grab her. They made him nuke them. Same thing to him.